Posted by: Jill Potts Jones | July 14, 2010

Evaluating my roles as Christian wife and mom


This morning I was evaluating myself as a wife and mother.  Do I often feel like I’m a good wife and mother or do I, more often than not, see more deficiencies?  As I pondered what makes a good wife and mother particularly by comparing myself to those I believe excel in these roles, I realized that the same character flaws I carry around in these areas are the very same ones that keep me from leading an effective Christian life. 

My pride keeps me from reacting in the proper way to my children’s misbehavior or lack of good judgment.  Parents often believe their child’s good or bad behavior is a reflection of themselves.  Of course, there are times when this is true such as when a child is misbehaving in public and the parent is totally oblivious to, or in the worst case, encourages it.  However, sometimes a child’s bad behavior is a product of their sinful nature and has nothing to do with us.  It is our responsibility to train a child to act or react differently to the world around them; however, we can’t always shoulder the responsibility of their behavior. 

I sometimes feel like I’m harboring resentment because I spend a lot time taking care of necessary details in the day-to-day events of my family’s life and fail to do the things that bring joy to my life.  Then I feel guilty for not finding joy in raising and taking care of a family. If a parent fails to take care of his or her own needs as well as their children’s, then a spirit of bitterness and selfishness can take over.  Most parents feel they can attend to their children’s needs alone until they reach a certain age and then they can concentrate on themselves.  However, if they don’t do some things for themselves over the course of time, they may begin to resent their family, particularly their children. 

As a wife, I continue to operate under the stereotypical roles a wife must fill in order to create a stable and loving home for her husband.  However, even though the basic biblical mandate of submitting to the husband still applies, if a wife works outside the home it is unreasonable for her husband to place expectations on her to continue to do all of the household management and chores.  Likewise, it is irrational for a woman to believe she can work outside the home while also continuing to do all the household chores and maintenance and take care of the children.  When we start feeling like we have to do it all and believe we can accomplish everything, then our failure to do so will leave us feeling defeated and discouraged.  If we succeed, our pride will certainly find a way to bring us down eventually. 

If I continue to operate out of pride, resentment and selfishness and attempt to fulfill irrational and unreasonable expectations either I or others have placed on me in my Christian walk, then I will not be an effective Christian witness and my relationships will suffer.  If I fail to recognize my limitations as a Christian and as a wife and mother, then I will burn out or have a nervous breakdown and I will be useless to those I love as well as those I’m trying to serve.

 God has given me exactly what I need in order to do the things He has directed me to do.  He has placed people in my life to serve as helpers and encouragers.  It is my responsibility to recognize them and to be mature enough to ask for their help if and when I need it.  It is also wise to pray for wisdom in making the right decisions.

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